Well Saturday was the big day, and what a day it was. They don’t really think this through very well because finals week ended Friday and many of us were severely sleep deprived. So when the alarm went off Saturday morning the last thing I wanted to do was get up and go to commencement. (Poor Nathan had to put up w/cranky me, luckily (?) he’s used to it).

I did eventually get up and got all dolled up. Cara and I then headed over to the ceremony since graduates have to be there earlier. It was a lot of fun to see so many people from my cohort graduating. There were lots of hugs, and congratulations and fixing of the hoods.

- Sidebar - those robes were a pain. They are hot and uncomfortable and just a little smelly.

I am nearing the end of my second year here at Fuller. It’s amazing really. Sometimes it seems like I just got here all wide-eyed and eager. Other times I feel like I have been here forever. Worse still, that I will continue to be here forever trapped in a never ending cycle of reading, and writing papers. So in order to feel some sense of accomplishment I have turned in all the necessary paper work (I hope *crossing fingers*) in order to receive my MA in Psychology this coming June. Yay me!
Thus there is some light at the end of the tunnel as I will be able to have something concrete to show for the endless hours of studying. I will also get to wear the silly robe and hat and walk down the aisle as they call my name. I know some people find it cheesy but I need that cheesiness right now. What can I say? The road is long and I need these small victories to keep me encouraged. So think of me come June 9th and celebrate with me that one milestone is down and just a few more to go.
Peace to you.

I am going home in exactly one week. By home I mean my beautiful island of Puerto Rico. I am excited to see my family, hug my sisters and enjoy some yummy home cooking. I am also a little apprehensive. It is always a little surreal going back home. It feel a little like Alice in Wonderland falling into the rabbit hole. Why? Because in the morning I am in the USA, speaking English and living the life of a wife and graduate student. The next I am in Puerto Rico where we speak a different language and my roles are those of daughter and sister. It’s a weird transition to make. I am not the person I was when I left PR almost 10 years ago but I still feel myself being pulled into that role. Not to mention there are still some who treat me as if 10 years had not passed and I am still that confused 19 year old. I guess no one is a prophet in their own town. Thus to some in my family I will always be the black sheep that left home and married an American and didn’t go to law school.

Sidebar: Can you imagine me as a lawyer? Seriously? Ms. Doesn’t-like-confrontation? Yeah, I don’t know what they were thinking. Oh well.

Anyway, I want to be a blessing to my family when I am there. I want to give them all the love and attention I feel I have missed out on by being all the way over here. I want to soak in all the life that I miss out on by living far away. While at the same time I want to show them how much I have learned and changed and grown. It’s bittersweet going home, eh? It is for me. I love going there while at the same time being there reminds me why I don’t live there anymore. It’s not just regular family dynamics, it’s traffic, and noise, and too many people. It’s memories, pleasant and unpleasant. It’s the “what if’s” and “if only’s”. It’s the wishful thinking and the kicking myself for the things I did, and didn’t do.

It will be fun. Any time spent with my sisters and my grandparents and my mom is a fun time. Any memories created with them are precious. They are just bittersweet as well. They are treasures to me while at the same time reminders of all I am missing out on. I know in some families and cultures seeing your family once a year is considered more than enough. BUt I grew up surrounded by my family and in constant contact with them. My family continues to meet on a very regular basis but I am not there. Guilt and relief all at the same time. Sheesh! I am one confused little Puerto Rican girl.

I hope my time at home helps build stronger relationships with my family. I hope I learn a little more about my sisters, my mom and my grandparents. I hope they learn a little more about me. I hope…

Peace to you.

Alright, my class is picking on Israel right now and since that is making me crabby, I am checking out of the conversation. I did catch him say that due to Israel’s oppression of the Palestinian people, Israel may lose their land. Ok, I am aware that I don’t know all of the history and political drama between the state of Israel and Palestine. But I do know that when our friends who live in Jerusalem get on the bus, they have no assurance that they will make it to their final destination. Why? Because Palestinian suicide bombers like to blow up buses regardless of who is riding them. They also like to walk into crowded restaurants, stores and plazas and blow themselves up killing and injuring many Israelis. One does not see Israel doing that. Israel doesn’t target civilians. Israel doesn’t use children as human shields.

What Israel does is defend herself - the same way Spain, France, India, the USA and the rest of the world would defend itself if it was under the constant terrorist attacks of a neighboring nation. Why is it ok for other nations to defend themselves but not Israel? Hmmm? Is there some anti-Semitic feelings still here? Is it because Israel doesn’t have oil and her neighbors (who hate her and want to see her destroyed *Iran*) do and thus control the world through fear of an oil crisis?

No I don’t think everything Israel does is necessarily right nor are Christians supposed to blindly support Israel’s choices just because it’s Israel making them. I just think it is hypocritical to demand Israel, and her citizens, take the abuse and mayhem of the terrorists attacking her while we in the West feel entitled to defend ourselves of even the hint of a threat.

Thoughts??

Peace to you.

I don’t have too many friends. Don’t pity me. I go for quality, not quantity. The few friends I do have are wonderful people whom I love and admire. They enrich my life and make me a better person. Today a very dear, good friend from my troubled youth left me a message on this blog. I was surprised and so very, very touched by it. As life has moved on I have allowed ’stuff’ to get in the way and have lost contact with this and other special people that I had been blessed to have in my life. That makes me sad. This particular friend, her name is Janie, was one of the saving graces of my troubled teenage years. She was a source of encouragement, love, strength. She was a safe harbor when my life was nothing but a series of overwhelming storms. I have no doubt that without her and a few other brave friends (Kristina, Waded, Mei-Lyng, Iris), I would not have made it through those troubled times. They have much to do with my being where I am today. How sad that we allowed time and distance to erode our friendships. Why do we let that happen? I guess because we always think we have time and as each day slips into the next we don’t even notice just how much time we have allowed to pass. Her message was a hopeful one, an invitation to pick up where we left off. I hope that I will be brave enough to take her offer. I miss having her in my life. I’m not who I used to be and I carry guilt from the burden I feel I was to her and the others during those dark years. Perhaps that is what holds me back. But they carried me through dark times, should they not get to see the fruits of their faith and love? Not that I’m this great prize, but I do have more to offer now than I did then. So to my friends: you are gifts to my life. You bring me joy and strength and courage and love. You all inspire me in different ways. I would be less than I am were it not for you. Thank you for investing in my life. I hope to do at least half as much for you as you have done (and continue to do) for me. Now if you excuse me, I need to respond to a dear friend’s message. Peace to you.

Nathan and I are preparing to celebrate 4 years of wedded bliss. And yes, it has truly been “bliss”. Not because there haven’t been any rough spots but because we have gotten through the few rough spots together and truly grown closer. **Warning** If you have a weak stomach for lovey-dovey, sappy talk then I suggest you skip this post because I am writing an Ode to my Husband and my marriage. **End of Warning** Read the rest of this entry »

I once had a very kind person, who I believe had the best intentions, tell me something to the effect of: “God has a plan A for your life. If by your choices you mess up plan A (choose the wrong spouse, the wrong school, the wrong career) then God in His graciousness will not abandon you. He will take what you have chosen and still work in your life except now it will be plan B. Plan B isn’t as good as plan A but God remains faithful to work in your life. Then if you, by your choices, ruin plan B then the process is repeated and now we are on to plan C.” I am fairly certain that this person meant to encourage me and give me the comfort of knowing that regardless of my “stupidity” God will remain faithful and continue to work in my life. And that is an encouraging and comforting message, truly it is. And I do not fault the person who kindly offered these words to me so many years ago. Because I know their nature and their heart, I am confident that they meant only to bless and encourage me. I have no doubt of that whatsoever. Read the rest of this entry »

4th of July - Independence day for the USA. I did something yesterday I had never done and never really thought I’d want to do. I guess one should never say never. Nathan and I began our celebration pretty innocuously. We had a lovely lunch and a round of Settlers of Catan (if you haven’t played it, you must) with our friends Bob and Liz.Then the stretching of my horizons began. Read the rest of this entry »